Hi Reader,
Last Wednesday, I got an email early in the morning from a colleague - let's call her Monica - saying she was experiencing sporadic contractions. It was Monica's 30-something week of pregnancy and we were scheduled for an oral examination with a student later that day.
She said her contractions weren't that painful and so she would keep us posted over the next few hours before deciding whether to reschedule the exam or not.
At first glance and without context, you might immediately question my colleague's judgment:
- "Are you crazy? Go to the hospital!"
- "What's wrong with you? You can't work while you're having contractions!"
- "She's clearly a workaholic."
👆🏼 Understandable reactions based on the information I've shared so far.
But here's what I haven't told you yet about Monica: She has some of the healthiest professional boundaries I’ve ever seen.
- She always finishes her grading without pulling late nights like I do (12 years as a professor and I grade until the midnight deadline every. single. time.);
- She always asks for the scope of any project before she opts in or out; and
- When she commits to something she does it extremely well.
Oh, and she already has 2 kids and a wonderfully collaborative partner, so she knows a thing or two about labor.
I’m sharing this story because setting boundaries and finding balance are never a one-size-fits-all solution, but it's hard to remember that when you're the one whose boundaries are being judged.
Has someone ever reacted negatively to a boundary you set?
If you struggle with boundaries or people pleasing, chances are this has happened more than once, and your typical response is to immediately conclude that the boundary was "wrong" and that you need to make the other person feel better, so you move or remove the boundary and then you feel
- Guilty,
- Burned out,
- Resentful, or
- Confused.
Here's what you need to remember, though:
🔊 Someone’s reaction to your boundary does not determine the appropriateness of the boundary itself.
In this week's blog post and video I walk you through this idea, and two other principles to help you handle negative reactions to boundary setting.
Best,
P.S. In case you're wondering, Monica delivered a healthy baby 5 hours after we did the exam and both are doing great!
